December 13, 2011

It's been a while since I took the time to write a blog. I have gone to my Company's Christmas Party this past Saturday. It was nice and had a good time with Joyce. It just wasn't the same, Tom always enjoyed going to this party, and he always looked ahead the whole year for this party. I guess it made him feel important and he got to socialize with the big wheels. He enjoyed it so much, as I do. I remember him the first time that he attended. He was so proud of me. He couldn't believe how many people knew me, and he took it all in, and told me that everyone talked so well of me. He said that I really left an impression with them. He was proud of me for all my friends and how they felt, and I was happy that he was pleased with me. It made me feel happy and appreciated.

I really miss him, I love the way he used to encourage me, even though there were times that I hated his ethics of work, he was so strict to the time and always believed work places, especially Cafaro’s, should have had time clocks. He couldn't stand the times when he needed to pick me up, and how people would leave work 10 minutes before 5pm. It really bothered him; he would say that it was like they were stealing from them. Oh well, Tom had work ethics and I respected him for that, but he was complaining about something that he couldn't change. I try not to complain about things, that I know I can't change its wasted energy. There are a lot of things that I would like to change in work, home and in life, but it can't be changed. No matter what you do, things don't change unless you are a high wig. Politics, I hate it. They make the rules, and can't follow them themselves. What's that old saying "Can't fight City Hall". LOL!

I am excited about Kimmie, Tom and Bridget coming home for Christmas. Still can't get myself to clean the house and decorate for Christmas, oh well hope I get the energy and go along with the old saying of mine. And, that is, "I do better under pressure". Christmas will be good, and I hope they like what I got them. Hey, only money, can't take it with me.

Robbie came over on Sunday because I told him that I would be down the Club all day on the 17th, due to the Bake Sale that we are having. He got me a Wi Fi Streaming Media Player. That is where I can connect to Netflix, YouTube, Radio Stations and Picasso, stuff you get on the computer. Now, I can watch movies from Netflix on the TV instead of on my computer screen. It's a wonderful gift; it was actually useful, just like the webcam they got me, which we barely use. Maybe once they move to NC we will use it more, I hope.

I really what to use the YouTube for exercises stuff, I am hoping that I get in the mode to lose this weight, I got to get thinner, I am like a whale, and I need to get healthier and prettier. Maybe I could feel better about myself. I got to get into a schedule, maybe wake up earlier and to about a 30 minute workout and when it gets nicer outside start walking. Walking is what I wanted to do all along these past months, but was too lazy or just feeling sorry for myself. Maybe I'll get with it, I've been watching Bigger Loser and it is helping me, wanting to get fit. I have also been thinking these past few days about quitting smoking. I wanted to buy the E-Cigarette, but found out that it has something in it that is in antifreeze. Yuck! 

Beginning of my thoughts -- December 6th

I feel like my life’s on hold, as if someone pressed the hold button; my energy and ambition when out the window.   I can’t get motivated and just do things that I need to, but not the things that I should do to insure survival.  My financials are a wreck; I need to correct it myself before going to Credit Counseling, because I fear that I will lose control of my financial control.  I tell myself that this will pass, but it can’t pass, not without an accelerator.

It has been over a year now, I still have not done anything about his Truck or Mustang, and every day the value diminishes, WHAT is wrong with me?  Even though they both need some work, I should try to sell, As Is, it would be better than nothing.  Also, a garage sale would have bought in revenue to help my cause.

Is this just plain laziness, procrastination, or just plain stupid?   I hope to pull myself together and do something about it.  Time is precious and as the old saying is, Time is Money. I know, my life would be simpler if I would do something to help my monthly finances easier, I know this…  so why do I do this to myself?  I wish I had the answer.

I wish that I had someone to lead on, to help me decide and to push me.  It’s laziness along with poor organization.  I am going to have to push myself, I know…  how I wish there was someone to share this with.  I hate problems, boy do I hate problems.  However, I am creating a snowball of a problem with this dilemma.

I have a nice home, a home that I love, and if I don’t get myself together, it is going to pot, or worse, I am going to lose it.  Joanie, STOP IT, stop feeling sorry for yourself!

Grimm Heights is good.... and a temporary end

To my surprise, life wasn’t bad when we moved to Grimm Heights.  Surely, I missed Perry Street and the familiarization of it all, for my new environment proved to be interesting and faces of new friends began to involve into my life.  Neighbors were interesting with stories of their own.

Next door lived Mitzi and Paul, a sweet older couple with no kids.  I always wondered why they were not blessed with any children; they always seemed so patient and caring. Mitzi had a way with parakeets, she was able to teach this one to speak some words and would even bring her out on the porch with it perched freely on her finger and never feared of him flying away.  Paul was a superb carpenter; the artistry that he would put into his cabinetry and doors was stunning.

I don’t know the complete story about their pasts, on Mitzi’s arm; she was branded with a number.  At first, I thought it was peculiar for her to have a tattoo of just plain numbers; thinking they meant something special to her. However, these numbers were a reminder of a dreadful time that she spent in a German concentration camp during World War II.  Memories I am sure that she would never want to relive, so I refrained from any questions.  I would research the history of some of the camps briefly, imagining the suffering she endured.  I should have asked because I always pictured the worst.  Was this the place that taught her patience?

On the other side of our house was this married couple with two young daughters, Elaine and Elizabeth, who were much younger than me.  They kept to themselves and were very quiet and the only aspect I thought to be exciting was that the father’s brother was the high school teacher who ran the high school radio station.  His voice spoke in a very base tone and he was the closest thing to a celebrity in our town.

It didn’t take long for me to get familiar with some of the families in our neighborhood.  There was this one family and the father was very tall, like my Dad; but appears to be very cruel.  I remember him yelling and hitting one of his kids with a water hose and it looked to me that his wife seemed to be afraid of him.  Another family was a family similar to one that you would watch on TV, like “Ozzie and Harriet”, they seemed perfect, the parents were kind and very friendly and the kids seemed smart and polite, no noises or yelling came from their home.  Some of the families were strange, but what I would consider strange, one may not.  Who’s to say that other’s thought our family strange? 

It was never unusual for my Dad to come home by 8 PM, while other fathers who worked daytime, arrived home at 4 PM, 5 PM, or 6 pm.  I can honestly say, and if my memory serves me right, my Dad did not even have a day off.  He was a meat butcher and owned this local grocery store, who would leave for work at 7:30 AM or 8 AM and would come home either 7PM or 8 PM, sometimes earlier.   I remember my Mom worked there too, she had Sunday and Monday off which was her laundry day.  Saturday was the longest day for both my Mom and Dad.  Cleaning the house was my sister and my job on Saturdays. We had change the bed linen, sweep, polish the furniture, sweep, scrub the bathtub and sinks and mop the floors.  We would also get dinner ready and it was always some sort of roast (chuck, beef or pork roasts, we would peel potatoes and mash them and choose a vegetable.  The dinner was always ready to serve when they got home from the store.  My sister and I would make the work easier by play acting with our favorite characters or by her favorites.  Sundays my Dad got to sleep in, just a little bit.  He would take us to ten o’clock mass at St. Nick’s.  Mom would sleep in, she never went to church, only on Easter and Midnight mass on Christmas.  She would always state that my Dad went to church only for show; in order to help his business.  Good ole’ mom, such a skeptic, trying to excuse her absence with an accusation.  My Dad would than take us home, change and to the store, but not too long, he would be home usually by 3 PM or 4 PM.

Anyhow today is a different day, and I came to the conclusion that writing about my life is not that interesting, this is more or less.  This will be the last chapter and even though I am giving up writing about my life, I will stop, because who really cares and it’s not really helping.  So I wrote about my life up until I was in the sixth grade and we just moved to Grimm Heights.  Maybe later, I will continue my saga.  But for now, I am going to write feelings and put down my thoughts of the day and maybe put a little of a hint of my story within my journal.  Who knows, maybe I will continue with my story of growing up and who I have become.  Right now, I cannot do that, because, I really don't know who I have become.